This is when I love being a mom

When I hold my little one fast asleep, limp in my arms, completely trusting and perfectly peaceful

When he stops eating to look up coo and "talk" to me

When I look at him and he immediately breaks into and enormous grin

When he laughs, which makes me laugh, which makes him laugh more, and we're just looking at each other and giggling

When I remember how tiny he was and how much he's grown already

When I think about the awesome privileged it is to know this little person, and the opportunity I have to watch him grow up and influence his life.

Spirituality and Pregnancy

Pregnancy, birth, and motherhood are profoundly spiritual. It seems to me such a shame that society makes them primarily medical, material, mundane things. I am guilty of this thinking at times too- especially the material. I have great capacity, I have found, to obsess over things- after all, I do want to give my child the best, and lots of new things are needed when having a baby. But in the grand scheme all the stuff is not as important as acknowledging the spiritual nature of this time, and obsessing over it all can hinder a woman from the potential for growth. I have a few weeks left, and we are mostly prepared in the material sense. While so far I have not neglected the spiritual aspects of carrying this baby, I hope that for the rest of this time and into motherhood I will focus more on the deep connection to my baby and the potential I have to change and grow dramatically as a woman. This is a rite of passage, and can and should be a wonderfully transformative experience.

Reflections on Identity

Lately I have this unsettled feeling sometimes about becoming a mother. This shouldn't be taken the wrong way- I am overjoyed at the whole thing. But sometimes I wonder if I will completely lose myself. You meet people- especially moms who stay at home with their children, who become nothing but mom. Everything they were before the baby seems to disappear- it gets buried so deep inside that it is hardly a part of who she is anymore. I know that my life is changing, completely and permanently, but I also know that it is possible- and I think very important for mine and my child's well being- to remain as much "me" as ever. I have dreams and passions that I have to work to hold on to in the midst of all the intense change. I can incorporate them into the way I raise my baby, rather than throwing them to the side and becoming someone else. But it must be a conscious effort, not to be a "normal" mother- but rather to be myself, as a mother. I am not afraid of being unconventional- I more afraid not to be. Unique and thinking parents are destined to raise unique and thinking children.

Because I am pregnant...

- Anything could and probably will make me cry- or I might just cry for no reason

- I care more about what is happening in the world, and who our next president will be

- I want to talk to my mom a lot more

- I am extremely gassy

- I have never loved hearing or seeing a name so much

- I touch my belly and smile

- I smile and nod at other pregnant women and revel in this kinship I have with these strangers

- I have a reason to create a whole new wardrobe

- I think about how I will answer all the important questions this little boy or girl will ask in the future.

- I feel like if it's possible, I may love my husband just a little bit more now

- I care and think more about the relationships I have with other people

- I find it easier to realize what is most important to me and what I most enjoy doing, and look forward to sharing those things with my son or daughter

- I forget a lot

- I pee a lot

- I feel like it's more important than ever to learn to live in the moment, be flexible, and not worry so often.

- I want to be a better person

I saw a similar list on another lady's blog, and she apparently found it somewhere else, but I changed it to say what I was thinking.

part 2:
I have gotten so much more introspective recently- I care so much about so many things, and I have been thinking about what kind of life I want us to have as a family, what kind of childhood I hope this baby will someday look back on.
I have also been thinking a lot about living in the moment. Most people barely see what is going on in the present, much less take time to revel in it, because they are so concerned with the future and worried about everything except what is right in front of them. I get that way a lot, but it is pointless. Worrying is fruitless and unhealthy, and causes a person to miss so much. I realized that if I worry about money, about finishing school and buying a home and about all the little what-if's having to do with the baby, I could completely miss the joy of just being pregnant. It's really such a short period of time, and what a cool thing- having a person inside you. I am trying to slow things down, and take time to love all the little kicks and movements. Later it will be every smile and giggle, every conversation and hug. I have to keep learning to focus on what is going on right now, and let everything just happen, because life and all these little things are far too important to miss.
I am already so overwhelmed with love for this kid... it really amazes me.